The BEST College Admissions Essay

In the last two years, I’ve read close to 2000 personal statements from eager high school seniors, hoping to acquire a spot in the UC System.

Last night at the Wiltern, Rob Bell shared an NYU personal statement by Hugh Gallagher.  The essay was published in Harper’s Magazine in 1990 and is probably the BEST college admissions essay I’ve ever read.

ESSAY: IN ORDER FOR THE ADMISSIONS STAFF OF OUR COLLEGE TO GET TO KNOW YOU, THE APPLICANT, BETTER, WE ASK THAT YOU ANSWER THE FOLLOWING QUESTION:

ARE THERE ANY SIGNIFICANT EXPERIENCES YOU HAVE HAD, OR ACCOMPLISHMENTS YOU HAVE REALIZED, THAT HAVE HELPED TO DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON?

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I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.

I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I’m bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays, after school, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don’t perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured New Jersey with a traveling centrifugal-force demonstration. I bat 400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in international botany circles. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a week; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff-diving competitions in Sri Lanka, and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

But I have not yet gone to college.

Millennial College Students: Trends & Translation

One of my top 5 strengths (per the Strengthsfinder test) is LEARNER.

Today I was reminded of how much I love learning and working in a university setting.  It’s in moments like these when I wonder about going on to pursue a doctorate…then I decide that the amount of suffering I’ll have to endure is not worth it.

The counselors on my campus were invited to hear from Dr. Britt Andreatta, author of Navigating the Research University and former Asst. Dean of Students and Faculty at UC Santa Barbara.  Here are some interesting points/take-aways from her presentation:

• Millennials (born from 1982 through the present) are less emotionally mature than previous generations.  Many may not even develop emotional maturity until after college.

Ex:  One member in the group shared about how she received a reality check of sorts after getting a “C” on her first midterm, and she had never gotten a “C” before in her life.  So she thought, “College is harder than I thought, maybe I need to work harder.”  Today’s millennial student will typically tend to think, “What’s wrong with me?  I’m a failure.”

“The cell phone is the world’s largest umbilical cord.” – SO TRUE.  If I had a nickel for every time Joe called mom during summer orientation to decide whether or not he should take a math or a science, or whether 9 am is too early for a class in the fall…

Generational research can lead to stereotyping, but it can also give insight into trends.

Howe & Strauss’ 7 Traits of Millennials (from Millennials Go To College):

1. Special
2. Sheltered
3. Team-oriented
4. Achieving
5. Pressured
6. Conventional
7. Confident

TRENDS with Millennials:

• Closer to parents than previous generations
• Least independent of all generations
• Very supported > > Attitude of entitlement
• Skyrocketing mental health issues

Depression among college freshmen has nearly doubled from 8.2% to 16.3%

College students are self-medicating – 44% would describe themselves as binge drinkers

Main takeaway:

As counselors we need to EMPOWER students to know how to help themselves.  This will serve them for a lifetime.

For those with limited vocabulary…

GOOD NEWS

ETS will be making major revisions to the GRE (Graduate Record Examinations) in 2011.

According to this article in the Chronicle of Higher Education, the new test will -

1) Delete antonyms

2) Delete analogies

3) Allow you to revisit questions

The executive director of the GRE program also stated,  “Having a good command of English vocabulary will be necessary, but it won’t be sufficient, to get a high score on the test.”

WHAT!

To those who are waiting to attend graduate school – you are fortunate souls.

Too busy to wait in line and do laundry?

HIRE A PERSONAL ASSISTANT!

Now this has got to be one of the most outrageous things I’ve ever heard.

I was reading Inside Higher Ed and learned there was a sophomore at Georgetown who posted an ad for a personal assistant.

Here are a few snippets from the job description/requirements taken from the Georgetown Voice:

“I am looking for someone to take care some of my everyday tasks for 1 hr a day, 5 hrs/ week, $12/hr.  The normal pay per week will be $60 ($300/month), even though on occasion it will be possible to work additional hours and/or receive bonuses at my discretion.

PA example tasks -Organize closet -make bed -Drop off / pick up dry cleaning -Drop me off / pick me up from work -Do laundry -Fill up gas tank -bring car for servicing -schedule appointment for haircut -Pay parking tickets -manage electronic accounts -shopping and running errands -other random tasks.”

Sounds like this kid just has WAY too much on his plate.

What might “other random tasks” include?  Clipping his toenails?  Sponge bath?  Spoon-feeding?

Way to be responsible, independent, and great at prioritizing/managing time!  He must be making a fortune at his part-time job to be shelling out $300/mo. for someone to pay his parking tickets.

I’m amazed he had the chutzpah to put it out there.  WOW.

iPhone = new college tour guide?

I read on article on The Chronicle today about a new potential iPhone app that prospective students could use to give themselves a self-guided tour of a campus.  The iPhone would serve as a GPS of sorts, and provide information about different spots on campus.

If the app flies, customers will need to shell out $10.

Wouldn’t you rather just go on a FREE tour with a live guide?  Maybe the virtual/tech world has officially taken over…

Sue Your School! Part Deux…

A friend of mine sent me a link to an article the other day about a Ms. Jennifer Temple at Texas A&M who is suing her school for misadvisement.

Temple’s MAIN GRIPE:  Being “advised” to fail 3 classes and then not being able to transfer to the University of Texas due to her poor grades.

The counselor “at fault,” according to Temple, advised her to fail 3 classes since Texas A&M will allow grade exclusion for up to 3 classes.  Temple’s withdrawal from the courses would have meant losing health insurance (or something to that extent).

(GRADE EXCLUSION? First of all, what kind of inflated system is this?  I am curious as to how many universities have similar policies.  I know of… none.)

And here is a statement from her attorney <violin music playing in the background>:

“What is truly tragic about this case is that I have given the A&M administrators plenty of opportunity to correct their errors and do the right thing for my client,” West said. “Instead, they have stubbornly insisted they have done nothing wrong.“

Cry me a river.

The last time I checked, it wasn’t an academic counselor’s job or responsibility to advise students on the policies of OTHER UNIVERSITIES.

What is a Bachelor’s Degree?

What is a Bachelor’s Degree?

Just so we’re all clear on what a BACHELOR’S DEGREE actually is, I looked a up a couple of definitions on the World Wide Web.

Wisegeek.com says:

To date, the Bachelor of Arts (BA) and Bachelor of Science (BS) degrees are the most commonly awarded. Each of these programs of study generally requires completion of approximately 180 credits in areas of specialized study.

Wikipedia says:

A bachelor’s degree is usually an academic degree awarded for an undergraduate course or major that generally lasts for four years, but can range from two to six years depending on the region of the world.

The other day I received one of the oddest (albeit infuriating) calls in my five years working in higher ed.

Caller: I’d like to challenge your B.A.

Me:  Excuse me?

Caller:  I’d like to challenge your B.A.!

Me:  I’m sorry, I’m not quite sure I understand your request…what do you mean by challenge?

Caller:  Well correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t a B.A., in fact, excellence in a field of study?  I have years of private study and even lived in Paris for several years.  I also worked with someone who taught at your university years ago.  I have many accomplishments in this field of study.

Me:  Are you asking if you may be awarded a degree without completing any coursework?

Caller:  …YES.

Still trying to wrap my head around this one.  WOW.

Cheerleader OR Dream Killer?

Yesterday I was reading an Advising Forum that I found on Twitter that asked the question, “Should advisers ever discourage students? For example, would you discourage a student with very low test scores from attempting a difficult curriculum because of the high probability of failure?”

As an advisor, I don’t really feel that it’s my role to tell students what the should or shouldn’t do.

If the topic of conversation concerns deadlines or university policies, then there are things the student MUST do that s/he needs to know (such as fee payment deadlines, completing certain requirements by a certain semester, maintaining a 2.0 GPA, etc.).

However, regarding this issue of “discouragement” . . . let’s take a look at a couple of scenarios:

STUDENT#1 – The student whose dream is to become a mechanical engineer, but cannot pass calculus for the life of him/her.  Or the pre-med student who can’t pass any of his/her science classes with a grade better than a C and is in danger of academic dismissal.

OR

STUDENT #2:  The tone-deaf/rhythmically challenged/stage-frightened student who swears up and down that s/he was absolutely “BORN” to be a singer/actor/dancer.

Far be it from me to crush anyone’s dreams of med school, law school, “becoming a star,” you name it.  I’m not a dream killer.

However, that doesn’t mean that I’m going to ignore or forgo pointing out the obvious.  If a student is CONVINCED that s/he is going to declare engineering as a major but has failed all of his/her math classes, well . . . that’s an area of concern.

The way I see it, an advisor’s role is to –

1. Understand the student’s ultimate goal
2. Provide options (or “alternate realities” as Sarah Howard from UNC would say)
3. Provide a realistic picture of the student’s  current situation

Beyond that, it’s really the student’s perogative as to what decision s/he is going to make.  My job is just to make sure that the student is well-informed of all possibilities so that s/he can make the BEST decision.

Next up:  When students make the WRONG decisions. . .

Advisors make the world go round…sometimes.

When I tell people what I do for a living, I typically get one of three responses:

1. You’re an academic counselor?  I NEVER saw my counselor.
2. My <insert expletive> counselor messed me up!  I took ALL these classes I didn’t even need!
3. My counselor made me cry so hard I never went back.

Awesome.

Curious, I searched for #academic advisor on Twitter to see if my friends’ experiences were the exception and not the norm.

Here are some of the Tweets I found:

“great. my Academic Advisor messed up my Fall Schedule.”

“just found out the guy who screwed me out of 4.0 my first semester is my academic advisor”

“why doesn’t my academic advisor ever e-mail me back?”

And the best one:

“My academic advisor is a lame f#%k!”

Curse much?  I suppose you can fill a 140-character Tweet with emotion.

If it is an advisor’s role to counsel/guide/help students, why is it that I hear so many stories about bad counselors?

I’m not discounting the fact that there probably are a number of people in academic counseling who shouldn’t be for various reasons.  But let me attempt to shed some light on a few things here:

• Students, we’re not out to “get ya” – On the contrary, we’re here to help!  However, it is our role to enforce university policies.  If you’re not doing your job of upholding these policies, guess who gets to play “bad cop?”
• “No one ever told me” won’t fly. Remember way back when during Summer Orientation when we spent the entire day telling you about 1,000 different policies/deadlines/tidbits?  And how we told you to purchase a catalogue?  There are about a million other things that we didn’t mention that you are responsible for knowing in the university catalogue.  “I didn’t know I would be disqualified if I pulled a 0.00 GPA  #x quarters/semesters in a row!  No one ever told me!”  Please do us all a favor and purchase a catalogue TODAY.
• Ask questions.  If you’re unsure about something, ask for clarification!  Your advisor should be happy to assist!  COMMUNICATE.

If you’ve done your part about being responsible for your own progress/degree requirements and you still think your advisor is a “lame f#%k” as one Tweeter so eloquently put it, blame your university.  They hired the unpleasant, incompetent idiot and it’s likely that there are more of them at your school.

Just kidding.

“In general, do the right thing.”

“We all need somebody to lean on…”

SUPPORT.

That’s my P.I.C. (Partner In Crime), Kevin.  Resting on him is my freshly sprained ankle.  He gives me SUPPORT.  It’s one of the many reasons why I heart him.

This morning I woke up thinking of the lyrics to “Lean On Me,” one of the classics by Bill Withers:

“Just call on me brother when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you’d understand
We all need somebody to lean on”

Life is so much better when you have people to lean on.  Can I get an “AMEN”?

SUPPORT.

It’s essentially how I’d sum up what student services/student affairs professionals do at the university in ONE word.

Transitioning from high school to college can be tricky (and transititioning from college into the “real world” even trickier).  No one expects students to navigate the campus ALONE.  That’s why there are res. ed. area coordinators, academic counselors, admissions counselors, women’s & men’s centers, religious groups, Greek Life, student government, clubs, etc.  All of these provide a hub of SUPPORT for college students and enhance student engagement and the college experience.

SUPPORT.